Grit, Grace & Healing: Michelle’s Guide to Divorce

10 Thoughtful Steps for Women Preparing for Divorce

As a therapist who works closely with women navigating divorce, as well as my own, I’ve not only seen firsthand, but experienced how emotionally layered, logistically complicated, and—at times— frustratingly overwhelming this journey can be.

If you're considering divorce or you’re already in the process, I want you to know you're not alone. You’re not "failing." And you don’t have to figure everything out overnight.

There’s no one-size-fits-all guide, but here are ten practical and emotional steps I often explore with my clients to help them feel more grounded, prepared, supported and in control.

Who am I?

Hi, I’m Michelle, a Child & Family Therapist, Family Law Mediator, and Divorce Coach. But more than anything I’m a single mom who understands how heavy, chaotic, and overwhelming navigating divorce can be. 

My own experience with a high-conflict divorce and custody battle (is it ever over?) led me down a dark road of being forced into decisions I didn’t understand.  I felt trapped, boxed in, powerless, and alone.  The only way out was one foot in front of the other, alone, seeking out answers, becoming informed, and advocating for myself.  I was pushed past the breaking point by the system, but I refused to break.  I don’t believe anyone should have to suffer in this manner.  At this point, I vowed to do whatever I could within my control to ensure other women did not have the experience I did.  That’s why I’ve dedicated my life to helping women and children navigate separation, divorce, and custody battles with clarity, strength, and support.  You don’t have to do this alone.  I’m here to walk with you. 

Healing isn’t always graceful, but the version of you that’s coming is someone you’ve never met- and SHE is powerful.

1. Talk to a Family Law Professional You Trust

You don’t need to make big legal decisions today—but talking to someone who understands the legal landscape in your area can help ease the fear of the unknown. Many women find it helpful to schedule a consultation with a local family law attorney to get a sense of what to expect. It’s not a bad idea to consult a few attorneys.  Figure out what works for you, what doesn’t work for you, and hey, get those questions that have been on your mind answered!

Therapist Sidebar: Think of this as gathering information, not making commitments. You deserve to feel informed, not intimidated.

2. Start Organizing Your Financial Picture

Finances are a huge source of anxiety for many women in this season. One empowering step is to begin gathering important documents—bank statements, tax returns, income records, loan information, etc.—so you know where you stand.

Therapist Sidebar: Don’t worry about being perfect. Start where you are. Progress over perfection always.

3. Learn What Divorce Looks Like in Your County

Every location has its own process for things like filing, timelines, and types of divorce. You don’t need to know all the legal language—but having a general understanding can help you feel less caught off guard.

Therapist Sidebar: Information can be calming. The more you understand, the less scary it feels.

4. Reclaim Control of Your Digital and Financial Space

One step I often recommend to clients is reviewing and updating your personal accounts. That might mean changing passwords or reviewing joint accounts (with professional guidance, of course). It’s a small thing that can create a huge sense of safety and clarity.

Therapist Sidebar: Feeling in control—even in small ways—can really support your emotional wellbeing.

5. Create a Budget That Reflects Your New Reality

This doesn’t need to be fancy. Just getting a handle on your monthly income, expenses, and essentials can go a long way toward reducing financial stress.

Therapist Sidebar: Money fears are valid and common. Having a simple budget is one of the most grounding tools you can give yourself right now.

6. Build Your Emotional Support System

Divorce is one of the most emotionally intense life changes a person can face. Please don’t try to go through it alone.

Surround yourself with people who love you. Consider a support group (many are virtual and women-focused). And if you can, find a therapist who feels like a safe space to land.

Therapist Sidebar: Support isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.

7. Think About Where You Want to Live (For Now)

Housing can be one of the trickier  parts of divorce—especially if kids are involved. Whether you stay in your current home or explore temporary options, the most important thing is creating an environment that feels safe and steady.

Therapist Sidebar: Stability doesn’t have to mean perfection. Choose what feels right for you and your family in this moment.

8. Start Outlining a Parenting Plan (If You Have Kids)

Parenting during divorce is its own emotional journey. Thinking through a co-parenting structure—even informally—can help reduce tension and offer your children reassurance, structure and consistency in the midst of all these changes..

Consider schedules, holidays, and how major decisions will be handled. This isn’t just about logistics—it’s about emotional safety for everyone involved.

Therapist Sidebar:  You know your children better than anyone. Trust your instincts—and don’t be afraid to ask for help.  You have a choice as to what your co-parenting relationship will be like: you can choose to be amicable for your kid’s best interest, or not.  I am not saying being amicable is easy by any means.  However, if you approach it as a choice that you are in control of, it may make it easier to approach.

9. Prioritize Your Mental and Physical Health

You’re carrying a lot. And you matter just as much as the paperwork, the parenting plans, or the finances. Make space to care for your body and mind—whether that’s through movement, sleep, therapy, journaling, or simply resting.

Therapist Sidebar: Self-care isn’t a trend. It’s a lifeline.

10. Start Imagining Life After Divorce

Yes, you’re in a hard season. But this won’t be forever. Slowly begin to imagine what your next chapter might look like. What brings you peace? What dreams have been on hold? What kind of life do you want to rebuild for yourself and your children?

Therapist Sidebar: It’s okay if you don’t know the answers yet. Just give yourself permission to start wondering.  Divorce doesn’t need to be thought of as a life failure.  Your time prior to divorce likely wasn’t all bad. You have had many life experiences that have shaped you into the person you are today. You are simply ending that book and picking up the next book in the series of your life. 

Final Thoughts—from One Woman to Another 

If you’re reading this and your heart is racing or your mind is swirling, take a deep breath. You are not broken. You are not behind. You are not crazy- trust me, it’s not you, it’s the process. You are simply walking through one of life’s most complex transitions—and you are doing the best you can.

These steps aren’t rules. They’re gentle guideposts, meant to offer support and clarity as you move forward. However long it takes, however messy it feels—you’ve got this.

And if you need someone to walk beside you, I’m here.